Self-Preservation Through Boundaries: A Lesson from Motherhood

Self-preservation isn’t about shutting people out or being selfish—it’s about recognizing your own needs so you can show up fully for others. As a mother, I learned this firsthand. When I had my son, I wrestled with the idea of becoming a stay-at-home mother. Society told me it was the ideal route. Yet, during my maternity leave, I realized that while I deeply love my child, my happiness also stems from my work and financial independence.

I knew that if I stayed home and gave all my time to my son, I might meet his every need but not in the way I truly wanted to—as a happy mother. If I am not happy, can I truly be a good mother. That’s when I made a choice: I needed to protect my own well-being to be the best version of myself, not just for me, but for him.

This decision led me to one of the most important lessons of my life: the power of boundaries and self-preservation. If we constantly pour from an empty cup—angry, frustrated, and bottling up our emotions—we won’t be able to give the happiness and love we truly want to share with those around us. We have to preserve our energy and peace, because it’s from that place of wholeness that we can be our best selves for others.

Why Boundaries Matter

Boundaries are essential for protecting our peace, energy, and well-being. They define what is and isn’t acceptable in our lives and help us create space for what truly matters.

Here’s how setting healthy boundaries can help you preserve yourself and, in turn, allow you to show up more fully for others:

• Set Different Types of Boundaries

Emotional, physical, and verbal boundaries are equally important. For instance, emotional boundaries could mean saying, “I can’t discuss this right now.” Physical boundaries might sound like, “I need some personal space.” Verbal boundaries could be as simple as, “I won’t accept being spoken to in that way.” Be clear and specific in setting these boundaries across different areas of your life.

• Use Clear, Direct Language

When you set a boundary, do it with conviction. Avoid vague language like, “I might be able to,” or “I’m not sure.” Instead, say, “I won’t be available,” or “I’m not comfortable with that.” This communicates confidence and clarity.

• Decide and Act on Every Boundary Breach

Once you’ve set a boundary, don’t allow it to be crossed without a response. Whether it’s a subtle overstep or a blatant disregard, calmly but assertively address any breaches. Consistency is key to reinforcing the importance of your boundaries.

• Respond Assertively, Not Aggressively

What assertion will do, snapping can never do. Use firm, calm language, such as, “I feel uncomfortable when this happens. I need it to stop.” This shows respect for both yourself and the other person while reinforcing that your boundaries are non-negotiable.

• Preserve Time for Yourself

Self-preservation also means carving out time for yourself. It’s easy to get caught up in life’s demands, but if you don’t take time to recharge, you’ll burn out. Schedule "me" time without guilt—whether it's for a walk, a hobby, or even just quiet reflection. It is also important to define not just the feeling but what brings you to that feeling. “I want to feel at peace” is different from “I feel at peace when I apply my face mask and lie down for 15 minutes”.

• Recognize That Boundaries Are Fluid

As life changes, so do your needs. It's important to revisit your boundaries regularly and adjust them as necessary. What worked for you last year might not serve you anymore, and that's okay. Being flexible with yourself and evolving your boundaries is part of maintaining a healthy, balanced life.

The Lesson of Self-Preservation

As I continue my journey in motherhood and in life, I realize that protecting my well-being through boundaries isn’t selfish—it’s necessary. It’s about self-preservation. And when I prioritize that, I can be the happiest and most present version of myself for my son, my family, and everyone I care about.

Final Thought:

Self-preservation is the foundation of being able to give your best to others. By respecting your own needs and setting boundaries, you not only protect your own peace but also create space to bring happiness, love, and positivity to those around you. It’s an act of love—both for yourself and for those you care about.

What are you choosing - peace in the moment or longer peace?